Dylan and the Dream Pirates: WIP

[jasonandrew]

Each tuesday, I plan to post a bit of Work In Progress to keep me going.

I have a friend that has the last name Foley. Not as close of a friend as he was years ago, but still a friend.

I should email him and ask him if he knows his last name is another word for pirate. I suspect he would like that.


Knox wormed through the window and followed the others as Travis Foley burst into the bedroom. Travis looked out the window, and yelled to his son. “Dylan! Don’t go it’s dangerous. I can help you.”

Dylan turned towards the window as they gained altitude. His father was furiously waving at him and gesturing for him to return to the apartment. Dylan closed his eyes and let the Lost Boys lift him to the sky.

“Foley? Your name is Foley?” Pip asked horrified.

“Does it matter right now?” Dylan asked.

Pip swallowed. “I suppose not, but Foley’s a pirate name.”

Comments

[angiebrat.livejournal.com]

they gained attitude? hmmm don't think that would help them... *ducks*

I always love your writing :)

[highway-west.livejournal.com]

heh! Typos!!!!

[talithakalago.livejournal.com]

One of the first comments I ever got from a professional editor was 'Be careful not to always start your sentances with a name.'

Might be something to check when you're doing edits. I don't know if you always do it or if it's just this section. :P

[highway-west.livejournal.com]

I'll take a look. I don't think it is too bad in the entire document.